Insubordination

I got next to no sleep last night.  I don't know what had me hyper, the new house or the evil cat coming downstairs where I sleep.  I have a long standing  feud with the cat.  I think it purposely screws with me and I hate when it is on the same floor as me, but that's a different story for another day.  My kids agitated me when I  took the youngest to school and I lashed out with a very sharp tongue.  My kids never listen to me when I tell them to do things, even when its for their own good.  Frankly, I'm tired of the insubordination.  This morning's bitch fest started out with my 12 year old not wearing her winter coat.  It could be freezing out and she doesn't wear it.  In our house, everything is open for discussion and anyone can question, and argue their perspective.  This is drastically different on the way I was raised.  My mother had the view of children have no rights, no opinions, no reason to inquire why something was happening or wasn't happening.  So I raise my kids to always question and "say how they feel".  Getting back towards my point, Their mother and I have told her recently many times to wear her winter coat.  So that started a snowball effect.  It lead me down the path of many different things that both kids were not doing, like brushing teeth, wearing deodorant, placing clothes where they belong etc.  I proceeded to tell the kids that if they weren't as old as they are, I would beat their ass.  I also made a comment about in the ancient times they would be dead because of evolution and survival of the fittest. That if they didn't know enough to get warm or brush their teeth or just about anything hygienic, they would have died from pneumonia or something.  All I want is for my kids to respect me and listen to what I have to say.  They can still question me and if they disagree, we would come to a resolution maybe a compromise. Their mother disagrees with a punishment that I want to give the 12 year old(we'll call her Angel)not because it is wrong but because the punishment is something she hates and refuses to do.  I'm only talking about a timed writing assignment.